You’ve probably heard psychologists say that the earliest years of one’s life are very important in shaping the adult. The research and common sense are that you feel best and are most healthy when you are able to be yourself, when you are being unique. But you didn’t learn to be unique. You learned to conform to the values and beliefs of your parents, community, and culture.
In fact, you are a lot like your parents. You’ve modeled and been strongly conditioned by them and what they believe is right. In this process you learn how to please them. You learn to equate conforming with being loved. You learn how to be.
This is further reinforced through all of your school years. You learn how to fit in and be accepted. You learn to be far too concerned about what everybody else thinks. You learn a great fear of making mistakes or displeasing others. Whether or not you like it or understand it, your behavior is largely determined by what others think, not what you would really choose to do or be. And the basis is fear of rejection and not being loved.
It’s all learned. It’s all made up. And it changes from generation to generation and culture to culture. As you mature and learn and grow, you realize that your beliefs and values change, but deep within, you believe that to change (or not conform) means you won’t be loved, fit in, and will be rejected. Most of this is taking place in your subconscious mind, but the dissonance and stress are real, and have real consequences in terms of your health, behavior, and relationships.
I certainly learned this when I was teaching about the “will to live” in my wellness classes with cancer patients and their families. I wanted them to be engaged in life vs. withdrawing and waiting to die. I knew their thoughts and feelings had great impact on their health. I wanted them to do what brought them the greatest joy and meaning in their lives. But they found this too selfish. They had learned that everyone and everything else should come first. No matter how much I tried to explain to them that they needed a much better balance in their lives between doing for others and taking care of themselves, they couldn’t do it – even though we were encouraging this as part of their treatment for cancer.
I also taught them about guided imagery and self-hypnosis, how they could visualize and tell their immune system to function properly. My doctoral dissertation was titled, Relaxation, Guided Imagery, and Wellness, so I could support this approach with considerable research and evidence. Fortunately, they did a much better job with this, and came to realize their thoughts and imagination could help them considerably. They learned that their condition was not helpless and hopeless. They really could take much greater control of their health and life.
I explained how a pillar of scientific research, the placebo effect, had to be controlled for, because one’s beliefs and expectations (placebo) are as powerful as any medical treatment one third of the time. How would you like to increase your odds of getting what you want by 30% or more?
Life is full of ups and downs and is highly influenced by your thoughts about it. In fact, you are always creating because you are constantly thinking. Unfortunately, much of this time is spent worrying, which will increase the probability of experiencing exactly what you don’t want.
This is why I really appreciate the role of meditation – learning to go within to access another deeper, wiser aspect of who we are. Actually, it is the historic purpose of meditation to discover the truth of who we are, which current research with quantum physics proposes is a unified connection with a “Primary Reality” of harmony, order, and compassion. The wholeness which links the entire universe is an infinite energy field of love.
Our physical perception of material reality has conditioned us to think of ourselves as being separate from other human beings and other forms of matter. But it turns out that we and everything are interconnected. And because of the interconnection of all realities, any one form is potentially all-knowledgeable. However, one’s physical senses set limits on what can be perceived, and we perceive as real that which we have been conditioned to believe as true.
The great news is that meditation is a means to transform the mind of conditioned thoughts. By quieting oneself through passive, focused attention (meditation), consciousness can be transformed where the brain becomes quiet and sympathetic with the underlying universal frequency (Primary Reality). This allows a new means to perceive reality, an alternate way of knowing, which can reprogram the brain.
Thinking is a filtering process and distorts a deeper, true reality. Thoughts and feelings such as separation vs. oneness; of fear vs. love; of despair vs. hope; constrict the flow of the life force field of love which surrounds us. This is the underlying source and cause of illness. I believe negative thoughts and feelings are another way to define stress, which is an energy vibration in dissonance with the core, eternal truth of who we are. This is why all illness is stress-related in some way.
You are in partner with the universe, a Universe that is 100% benevolent. You are perfectly safe and loved. However, your thoughts are like a blueprint for manifestation. Are your thoughts commonly, “I look forward to all the good that awaits me?”. You reap what you sow. You can positively learn to take back control of your life. Be patient with yourself in this process, but know that you are infinitely capable of it. I pray you learn the truth of this.
